Find out the Way to Be Completely Present
There’s a difference between being in the room and being present. There’s a difference between hearing and listening. Being fully present means when your partner speaks, you do not assume you already know exactly what he/she thinks. You start to listen to what you have not understood yet. You become an experienced detective who sincerely wants to learn what’s going on. That is a very different intention than listening to prove that you’re right.
Make it Clear That You Want to Hear & Understand Your Partner
Inform your partner I know in the past I can haven’t done a fantastic job of listening to you. I see this has hurt you and me. I must not fully comprehend what is going on. I would like to. I would like to understand that you’re and what matters to you. I’ll continue listening so long as it takes.
Ask your partner to Share
Ask, Are you prepared to share with me? Whenever you are ready to share, I am prepared to listen to. And I’ll wait until you are feeling safe, then the practice is fully present.